An Update From Me
An Update From Me
Hi everyone, firstly I just want to start off by saying thank you for always being patient with me when I need breaks on various platforms. I’m a one woman band juggling the blog, Instagram and a YouTube channel but sometimes that ball has to be dropped somewhere, especially when crisis hits whether that’s emotional or something physically happening in the world. You’re all always here for me when I need a break, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. You are the reason I get to do what I love for a living, so thank you so much for all of your support as always! Authentic content is hard to come by these days so I promise I will always stay true to myself.
As a lot of you know, my nana passed away just over three weeks ago after a long two year battle with cancer. Her name is Maureen, but I call her Nana Purple because as a child both of my nanas wanted to be called nana rather than grandma, so to differentiate between my two nana’s, I chose the colours they both tended to wear the most and the hue of their hair colour to decide on Nana Purple (always wore purple with dark brunette hair) and Nana Yellow who is still here (always wears yellow and has blonde hair).
Grieving my Nana Purple has been a complete and utter emotional roller coaster for me, she was a big fan of my blog and loved showing me off to her friends, so it’s already upsetting me knowing that she won’t be sitting down to physically read this post. She was the most kind, gentle and loving person I’ve ever known. You could talk about a murderer in the news and she would still say something like “but there will be a darkness in that person that has lead them to be the way they are, we must feel sad for them and think positive thoughts about those people as they aren’t very happy or loved”. She was just a good person. She was a huge reader, always giving mum and I book recommendations and she loved animals more than anyone else I know. Nana Purple loved crystals and we have found so many beautiful ones over the years at various beaches around the coromandel, it’s a hobby I will cherish forever and crystals will forever live in my home helping me to connect with her spirit that I wholeheartedly believe lives on.
This is my first experience losing a loved one, and the ups and downs have been strange. I’ve also noticed that people don’t talk about grief enough, it’s not normalised and I’ve actually found it really difficult to find quotes or content to turn to when I need something to reassure me that my feelings are normal and valid, so I’ve shared some of the good stuff that i’ve found recently that have helped.
Some grief related Instagram accounts and Podcasts that have been helping:
Things You Can’t Tell Yer Mum Podcast - Episode 4: Grief
The Ted Podcast: Elizabeth Gilbert
Terrible, Thanks For Asking Podcast
A quote that has helped me recently:
“Grief I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All the unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
As you can imagine it’s really tricky to handle the nature of my job when emotional crisis hits. It’s not like taking bereavement leave where you can take the time off, not think about work and then come back to it and use it as a distraction. My work is me, my name, my face, my opinions, my vulnerability, so it can be tricky to navigate when you’re simply just not okay. I guess all I can really do is be honest, and have these conversations with you guys when life is good but also when life is tough.
The funny thing is that I feel a lot better about it when I chat to you guys, when we talk on DM or honestly even just by typing this out and knowing you guys are going to read it. It helps, so thank you again for being here, I genuinely feel like I have to kindest community on social media who follow my content and I have been thanking my lucky stars every single day for that. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m feeling incredibly fragile, my mental health is at its lowest, but I’m sure that’s down to a mixture of my ongoing struggles with anxiety, grief, the pandemic, and the current intense social media landscape. I think acknowledging that I’m not okay right now is one of the best ways to deal with it and get myself to a place where I’m feeling better.
Speaking of the landscape, what I do think is wonderful right now is the power and passion behind the Black Lives Matter movement, and I am completely on board with the work I need to do to be a devoted ally against racism. I know it’s my responsibility to use my platforms to influence about much more than a good book or lipstick, I know that in the past I haven’t done enough, in some cases I am willing to admit that I haven’t thought about diversity at all, so I am currently doing the work offline to educate myself on how I can use my white privilege to help make the change in the world that needs to happen. This is a life long commitment, but for me right now it would be to have more of those difficult conversations with friends and family members as well as to have more conversations with the brands I’m working with to demand racial diversity in all areas of their businesses, including who gets invited to events and who gets signed on for sponsorships. In the future it would be about educating my children so that the next generation has a 0% tolerance of racism, and committing to the emotional labour of holding people accountable when I hear racist jokes and comments.
So while I completely encourage you to demand change, I also encourage you to be kind when you do it. The world is a sensitive place right now, and I can guarantee you that everyone is carrying something heavy on their shoulders, even if you can’t see it. Demand change from brands, influencers, friends and family, but do it with kindness, do it with respect and do it with education. That’s how we will see change.
The world needs change, but it also needs more love, kindness and acceptance.
ANTI-RACIST CONTENT YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT:
Give Nothing To Racism New Zealand Toolkit
Your Kids Aren’t Too Young To Talk About Race Resource Roundup by PrettyGoodDesign
White Fragility by Robin Deangelo
Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Renni Eddo-Lodge
MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT IN NEW ZEALAND IF YOU NEED IT:
Lifeline 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP) – for counselling and support
Healthline 0800 611 116 – for advice from trained registered nurses
Depression Helpline 0800 111 757 or free text 4202
Youthline 0800 376 633, free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz or webchat at www.youthline.co.nz (webchat available 7pm – 11pm) – for young people and their parents, whānau and friends
www.depression.org.nz for great resources and information.